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Ask the BIG CAT

Hello, I am THE BIG CAT, here to answer all your feline related questions. Yes I know, your astounded a cat could have such good diction. Never mind that. I am here for you and ready to answer any and all of your questions. So go ahead, ask away and after my nap I may choose to answer. Send your questions to THE BIG BRAIN and he will forward them to me.  They took away my e-mail.  Just because someone ordered 400 crates of cat food on eBay doesn’t mean it was me and they can’t prove it.  Err anyway, e-mail THE BIG CAT, you’ll be glad you did.

 

QUESTION FROM TIGGER,  Nashville TN

Dear Mr. BIG CAT:  I want more food. I need more food.

Answer: Look, this is not rocket science. Meow as much as you can and look pathetic. This should work, it does for me.

 

QUESTION FROM MUFFIE, Dallas TX

Dear Mr. BIG CAT:  You are very handsome. Is it possible we could meet?

Answer:  Well, ah thanks but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.  I’m trouble with a capital T.

 

QUESTION FROM D.F. Portland OR

Dear Mr. CAT:  My cats won’t listen to me at all. What can I do?

Answer: So the problem is what... exactly.

 

QUESTION FROM STINKY, Austin TX

Dear Big Cat:  What can I do about hairballs?

Answer: Try being creative, knit yourself a sweater.....just kidding, cats can’t knit, we have no thumbs.

 

QUESTION FROM TILLY, Portland OR

Dear Mr. Big Cat:  The dogs on my street are completely uncouth. What can I do?

Answer:  Ignore them, they are silly beasts with no manners or style and their licking techniques are completely without merit.

 

Big Cat Answers 2

 

 

The Big Cat