Ask the BIG CAT
Hello, I am THE BIG CAT, here to answer all your feline related questions. Yes I know, your astounded a cat could have such good diction. Never mind that. I am here for you and ready to answer any and all of your questions. So go ahead, ask away and after my nap I may choose to answer. Send your questions to THE BIG BRAIN and he will forward them to me. They took away my e-mail. Just because someone ordered 400 crates of cat food on eBay doesn’t mean it was me and they can’t prove it. Err anyway, e-mail THE BIG CAT, you’ll be glad you did.
QUESTION FROM TIGGER, Nashville TN
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: I want more food. I need more food.
Answer: Look, this is not rocket science. Meow as much as you can and look pathetic. This should work, it does for me.
QUESTION FROM MUFFIE, Dallas TX
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: You are very handsome. Is it possible we could meet?
Answer: Well, ah thanks but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I’m trouble with a capital T.
QUESTION FROM D.F. Portland OR
Dear Mr. CAT: My cats won’t listen to me at all. What can I do?
Answer: So the problem is what... Exactly.
QUESTION FROM STINKY, Austin TX
Dear Big Cat: What can I do about hair balls?
Answer: Try being creative, knit yourself a sweater.....just kidding, cats can’t knit, we have no thumbs.
QUESTION FROM TILLY, Fresno CA
Dear Mr. Big Cat: The dogs on my street are completely uncouth. What can I do?
Answer: Ignore them, they are silly beasts with no manners or style and their licking techniques are completely without merit.
